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 Jokes...
so come on guys and gals get them jokes coming...
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Winter Olympics
I got this joke from my brother:
When Vancouver hosted the Winter Olympics in 2010, curling was now an official Olympic sport. A lot of people, though felt that the typical world-class curler did not fit the mold of the ideal Olympian in terms of body sculpting and silouette. Many excellent curlers seem to be unfit, middle-aged men, but since it is like chess on ice, and target shooting, it's more accuracy and strategy and physical prowess. However, my brother quipped that he totally disagreed. "Well, just the other day," he recounted, "I was watching some curlers and one of them was sweeping so hard, I thought he was going to drop the cigarette right out of his mouth or spill his rye and cola." (Insert rim-shot here.)
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This is for Bearz2;
A bear walks into a bar & says gimme a drink
Bartender says we don't serve bears
Bear says gimme a drink or I'll start some trouble
Bartender says we don't serve bears with bad attitude
Bear goes to the end of the bar and bites the head of a lady sitting there
Bartender says we don't serve bears on drugs
Bear says what do you mean?
That was a barbitchyouate
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How to Catch a Bear
First you dig a big pit (large enough to hold the number of bears you wish to catch). Next, fill it with ashes from your campfire. (This will attract the bears.) Then you sprinkle frozen peas all around the perimeter of the pit. (Actually any peas will do.) Wait. When a bear comes to take a pea, just kick him in the ash-hole.
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@onepocket, great punchline!
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Da Bears!
A polar bear goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks him what he wants. The bear answers: A large, cold.......................beer. The bartender asks, "What with the big pause?"
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bear and a rabbit taking a s**t in the woods
Bear to the rabbit: "do you also have trouble with s**t sticking to your fur when you s**t?
Rabbit: "no, no problem with that!"
Bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his a** of with it.
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i like these...shows me how sick in the head i am...lol..you crack me up!
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I'm as rated Arrrrrrrrggghhh (sorry) as the next guy... Just be careful lads, when inserting cuss words in public forums.
Even if we use symbols (!*@&) this is still considered a violation of GK rules. Being that I'm freshly returning from being reported for "abuse," and that somehow I've been made a moderator here (? - Go figure), it's probably safest if we don't take these chances...
We are probably okay as nothing is being directed at another, but it's making me uneasy, nonetheless.
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Ok..i agree..but they are funny...oh well..alright let's all; be good little children and play nice with the others..
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Be good? Play nice? No thanks...
Just a quick n friendly (not condescending) reminder is all that's necessary...
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If it was a Crab or a Triton who was at risk for an official reprimanding, I would have ignored it, in the hopes that you'd be cut off from communicating with the useless bums! Pirates, however; they get special consideration.
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you just want to see a Triton walk the plank.
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March your whole team into the chum slicks! Tritons, Crabs, 65 Squarers... All of ya!
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This isn't really a joke, but I went to a small gathering at my Aunt's house today to see my 26 year old cousin, visiting from NC.
She is covering her arms in bad tattoos and has dreadlocks that would make a Rasta proud...
It wasn't until she reached across the table for ketchup that I almost puked as she has stopped maintaining her armpits in any controlled fashion... I realize this is quite natural and common in many parts of the globe. I'm just not there yet and it serves as a natural appetite suppressant.
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A new meaning in Diet..i see...
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I'll just keep quiet...
about where I'm from.....
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What do you call 92 Smashed Crabs skydiving?
Air pollution.
-Yes, Bearz. An easy way to drop the last 20 lbs; lunch with my cousin.
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Mistee... My cousin is from NY... She recently moved to Ashville, as it has a pretty good "slacker" population, as I understand...
I was NOT poking fun at NC... Hope ya didn't get the wrong impression... Alabama, now that's another story!
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Noooooo.....
Mr. M.....
I totally understand what you were talking about. At first I thought you were describing my own daughter...only she doesn't have dreadlocks anymore, and she still maintains her armpits (thank the good Lord for that!). And she's not 26 yet. She just got her first tattoo (I took pics just like a proud mama should when her baby has a first anything) Oh...she has gauged ears...does that count? And.....she lives in...yes...you guessed it! Asheville. She's a physics and math major so she's well educated. I don't understand her, but I love her, ya know?
But I know you weren't poking fun at NC. I was just teasin' ya.
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Gauged ears only? My cuz is lip, eyebrow and nose pierced... Lol... I think it's funny... It's just the friggin' armpits! Consider yourself fortunate. I'm going to struggle with meals for the next 48 hours.
Yeah, educated... I guess my cousin is too; after all, she has a B.A. in photography and reminds us of European vacations at every opportunity. Her brother goes to a private college in that area; environmental science major. He has traveled to national parks all over the country to learn how to cut down trees. I've been doing this since I was 8, now you get college credit for it... Lol.
Ehh, meatball sandwich.
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My lesbian neighbour bought me a rolex for my birthday...?
I think she may have misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
Btw: any *** in my messages are inserted manually, so GK has nothing on me.
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Lol... Good one.
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Is it true the Scientific word for lesbian is eatalottapus?
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I have a great follow-up for that, OP, but sense it will result in a flurry of complaints against me... Dang, I must sit this one out!
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Mr.M, are you losing your nerve?
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Let's just say that I'm exhibiting "awareness," for one of the few times in my life... You all should be applauding me, not encouraging a Pirate to self destruct for yer viewing pleasure. Believe me, it's very possible.
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LOL!! Mr. M
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JClark... I'd like to last around here a little longer... I know you bastards would like to see me gone, but I refuse to oblige. I insist on my protecting my GK survival. It's the only normal/healthy habit I have. I'll be damned if some "team table" captain instigates my demise!
Your influence with the Five Major Team Families is under investigation... Perhaps Klingle would like your seat.
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pennsylvaniadan
23-Jul-12, 22:28
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It's good to see you're watching you're back. You are surrounded by devious wannabes----lol
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