OUTSOURCING THE PRESIDENCY?
Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the office of President
of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of October
1, 2006. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot expect
to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder
Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of
President as of September 1, 2006.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He
will receive a salary of 320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or
other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few
offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call
center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about
this position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr.
Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can
address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues
at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for years."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day
of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for
$140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible
for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical or successful work experience. A Greeter
position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience
That could be a great idea...