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thumper
03-Nov-09, 08:01

Marine Humor

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert, and as first aid was given to both men the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy was a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who didn't know how to drive.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a mean-spirited hooker!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.

chaz5
03-Nov-09, 08:51

As a former Marine myself ...

... I can legitimately say this sounds more like Republican humor than Marine humor ... however ...

Now, I shall challenge you, Thumper, can you come up with a good Bush/Cheney joke that might be sufficiently similar so that I don't have to say your humor is laden with partisanship too? If you can, then I will embrace your sense of humor with the right spirit ... otherwise ... it is what it is, isn't it?

mrvroom
03-Nov-09, 10:20

haha

well it made me laugh and I'm not really sure who Nancy Pelosi is..

softaire
03-Nov-09, 11:07

Nancy Pelosi

is President Obama's insurance policy that he will never be assassinated. (She is third in line to be President if Obama and Biden were incapacitated)

thumper
03-Nov-09, 12:43

Chaz

If you want 'balanced' jokes you would have to go after say, Thurman/Gingrich not Bush/Cheney. I could probably come up with a passable joke about them but I won't, even if the FCC comes after me demanding 'fair and balanced'. The white house may run a fact check and issue a rebuttal but we'll have to wait and see.

kingofpawns
03-Nov-09, 13:15

I fixed thumper's humor up for him:

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist,
badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert, and as first aid was given to both men the squad leader
asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway, and coming
south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches
along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he
deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy and Rush Limbaugh were fat, good-for-
nothing, left wing liberal and right wing nut-job drunks who didn't know how to drive or when
to stop taking drugs.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a mean-spirited hooker!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so do Nancy Pelos and Nancy Reagan!"

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.

chessnovice
03-Nov-09, 14:52

Political correctness sure does zap the humor out of a joke. Gonna have to cope that those in power are going to be the ones having jokes focused on them.

chaz5
03-Nov-09, 15:10

Chess ...

... your point is entirely valid, of course ... even though sometimes, it seems so one-sided (I say to myself) ... but I will have to admit needing more humor at my end, and less judgment. I shall try harder ... and Biden my time, otherwise it may become an Obamination.

Thanks.

thumper
05-Nov-09, 07:43

News anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.
They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your Western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job til the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.

"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.

So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you jerks call ME the aggressor?!"

changeling
05-Nov-09, 07:47

.....

....LMAO.......

snowdog2112
05-Nov-09, 08:46

That second one was pretty good.

kingofpawns
05-Nov-09, 11:01

Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh, The Reverend Pat Robertson, frequent FOX
commentator Ann Coulter, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day
when they were captured by cannibals.

They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am
familiar with your Western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and
eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Rush Limbaugh, "Well, I'm a Missourian; so I want you to show me what drugs you have so I
can have one last high." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the
drugs. Limbaugh took the oxycodone the cannibals had obtained from a previous unfortunate
indivdual, swallowed it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Pat Robertson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of my ability to leg press
2000 pounds. So before I go, I want to sing "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" one last
time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Robertson sang the song, and then
said, "Now I can die in peace."

Ann Coulter said, "I'm a conservative commentator to the end. I want to take out my tape
recorder and describe my views on the role of cannibalism in capitalistic societies. Maybe
someday someone will hear it and know that I was expressing my conservative views til the
end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Coulter dictated some
comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.

"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.

So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went
sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the
chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine,
and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for
their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why
did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you jerks say I negotiate with terrorists?!"

chessnovice
05-Nov-09, 12:15

That made no sense.

kingofpawns
05-Nov-09, 13:03

Of course it didn't make sense to you, of course.

zorroloco
05-Nov-09, 13:55

i thought they were both pretty funny

chessnovice
05-Nov-09, 17:15

kop

Predictable response. But nevertheless, you were too quick with your "I HAVE TO TURN THIS INTO A JOKE ON REPUBLICANS THAT'LL SHOW THEM" bend to figure that just shooting the chief and his tribe couldn't be considered any sort of negotiating -- especially by the three known faces in the joke. You not only failed to be funny by re-telling a joke a mere two replies after it was told the first time, but you failed to be funny because the punchline in your version flops. You'd slightly improve with a shred of originality. Go for it.

kingofpawns
06-Nov-09, 15:18

You read my mind wrong:

"I HAVE TO TURN THIS INTO A JOKE ON REPUBLICANS THAT'LL SHOW THEM"

I rewrote it just for you and just to get the reaction I did from you. You have
got to work on you mind reading skills. Now, without hesitation, what is zorroloco
thinking right now? What am I thinking 5 minutes from now?

qiwi
06-Nov-09, 16:21

As far as turning any joke into a joke 'ABOUT' Republicans....
Hardly worth the effort I would have thought, bearing in mind that the Republican Party is a
joke.... and a piss-poor one at that!!!

kingofpawns
06-Nov-09, 16:25

This post was deleted by zorroloco on 09-Nov-09, 18:15.

chessnovice
06-Nov-09, 21:00

This post was deleted by zorroloco on 09-Nov-09, 06:59.

kingofpawns
07-Nov-09, 15:21

This post was deleted by zorroloco on 09-Nov-09, 06:59.

chessnovice
07-Nov-09, 21:59