I've had a bit of time

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to think about things the last few years, I'll tell ya that! What I'd like to do now, more than
anything, is just get away from it all with a box of Pomeade and a couple of pals. My
predilection for linguistic lunacy should help, as I am (for the interim) flat broke. But handsome
good looks and great hair can open locked doors and sealed cash drawers. It's a particular
geographic oddity that I and my pals have set our eyes on the Keeling Islands for our retreat.
We have some valuable property there which has been awaiting us, oh low these many years,
and if we can just get things to go right for once, we'll be lying on deserted beaches with our
guitars and some steamy women-folk. I know it seems ambitious, maybe just plain crazy, but if
I can talk the preacher into donating this weeks take, er.. collection, to our cause, we just might
make it. Who can be sure though?

ethansiegel

10/08/2007
11:04:49
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Hello Clarice.

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It's been a long time since your last visit. I knew you'd be back, knowing how you need my
help. What do you want to do? Whom do you want to find? Ah, the Keeling Islands, a glorious
place; I hear they run high on fava beans and nice chiantis. Why should we go there, you ask?
If you want to catch an invader you need to think like an invader. He desires; he covets. And
what do we covet? We covet what we know; a warm place to drink, flowing with water and...
the finest things a man can desire in life. Why do I tell you this now? Why, because you'll want
to come see me when I'm there, to stop the bleating, the horrible screaming of the lambs.

And be sure to come by. I'll be having an old friend for dinner.

karienake

10/08/2007
11:50:14
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please guys

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take me with you if you go?
Seems a lovely place to spend the rest of my live

graderguy

10/08/2007
13:01:28
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Karienake

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We would be demonstrably pleased were you to accompany us on our dangerous voyage. I
wonder though, do you happen to have any "Dapper Dan" pomade you might bring along?? Can
you sing, or play the banjo? Talents such as these, and a jar of "Dapper Dan", can buy you a
ticket, provided the good Dr. has no "other" plans for you............

ethansiegel

10/08/2007
14:26:52
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Karienake

Message:
Simplicity. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its
nature? What does he do, this man you seek?

We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body,
Clarice? Err-Karienake? And don't your eyes seek out the things you want?

jean_valjean

10/09/2007
16:02:35
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Delta house rules Keeling islands

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Ah those beautiful keeling islands. I'm commando under my toga so the ladies will be ready. I'll make them say "thank you may I have another"! Bluto better quit popping zits and load up kegs for the party of the century. This seafaring quest should be a blast and cutting class is cool. I don't care how stupid this is. Something stupid needs to be done and we are the guys to do it!!! Lets trash the omegas and ship out! Can you say RRROOOAADD TTTRRIIP

dieselengine9

10/09/2007
17:17:20
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Whats so funny?

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What�s so funny about a crusade? I�m lookin around here, and I don�t see anything funny about this crusade. Funny lookin? Yeah we got some funny lookin crusaders, but I gotta tell ya, I�m a lil bit insulted that anyone would come right out and SAY they were funny lookin. Agree? Yeah. Think anybody else should be sayin it? I don�t think so. I know a perfect spot for those a yuhz that think all this is so funny. We�ve earned our spot, we�ve paid our dues to get to where we are, to be crusaders. We�ve got the booz, because we�ve EARNED the booz. We�ve got the women (the real ones and the ones with an air valve) because we�ve earned the women. Now, we�re going to take the Keeling Islands. We�ve EARNED the Keeling Islands, and we don�t mind getting a little blood on the floor should anyone think uddahwyze.

vhhsawb

10/09/2007
22:52:28
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Message:
Lacking any real direction for my life I chose to become a military person. Having been trained for the interception of terrorists I was trained with others in a secret location. We received new tactics and were given a target where a group of terrorists was training for an attack on the crucial coconut crop of the Keeling islands. Their goal was to destroy the crop and drive up the price of coconut in the U.S. to levels that would cripple the economy and bring about a recession. However they did not realize that Congress and the Administration had beat them to the punch. But our orders did not change. Dressed as tourists from Branson, MO we arrived in the islands and began our campaign. We surreptitiously taught them how to play chess and they quickly became addicted to it and had no time for any terror activity, except for random attempts to crash GameKnot.com. But they had no training in coding and they had misplaced all their explosives while learning the finer points of "en passant." In the end they all surrendered to a MASH unit which followed us in and we settled down with rum and carried out a new campaign against the native virgins. Since this effectively completed our orders we promptly resigned and became beach combers and lived happily, if semi conscious, ever after.

rt4sm

10/11/2007
13:51:55
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My Mum always said...

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'That life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you�re going to get.' We're sure heading into the unknown with the Keeling Islands, but I hope they have lots of Dr. Pepper there; I can drink that stuff all day even though it makes me pee. I have been appointed ambassador for our new empire, my record with politicians is as solid as a rock� or a coconut! Awww, why do people always laugh at me rather than with me�

At least the girls here will all love me with my hunky-hanky looks, but I�m not one of these guys who bounces between them like a ping-pong ball; so I will have to pick carefully. I like girls more than guys; girls are sweet, guys just chase me and throw things at me, but I run like the wind and make them look stupid.

Perhaps you think I am stupid, plenty of other people do, but my mum always said �stupid is as stupid does.� I certainly feel stupid when looking at a chessboard, but I can always ask SC for help, they consist of world-class players with proven records. I gotta run now, bye...

dieselengine9

10/11/2007
18:56:03
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keeling islands

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I think everyone would like it here. The women have only mastered two words in the english language.

Yes......

and

Sir.......

ethansiegel

10/12/2007
10:39:25
[ report abuse ]

Message:
"Plum Island Animal Disease Research Center." Sounds charming.

Terns nest on these islands, no?

Terns? Mmh. If I help you, Clarice, it will be "turns" with us too. Quid pro quo. I tell you things,
you tell me things. Not about this case, though. About yourself. Quid pro quo. Yes or no?

vhhsawb

10/12/2007
20:19:13
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Progress Report

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The terrorists are demanding an opportunity to learn the finer points of the Sicilian Defense and are positively wild about the Queen's Gambit accepted...further reports in process...

vhhsawb

vhhsawb

10/17/2007
05:40:21
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Inteligence Meeting

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I have reliable reports that Gene Hackman and Denzel Washington have been sighted on the islands...more to follow.

tag1153

10/17/2007
09:30:50
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The Crusade has FAILED...........

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It is with a heavy heart that I must report that the Southern Chess Crusade against the Cocos (Keeling) Islands has failed. Several members of the raiding party have fallen short of their responsibilities, and as a result I must now admit defeat. For those who participated, I give you my thanks. Those who did not will be forced to walk the plank. I have not ruled out a second attempt, but will only do so when I am sure of victory.......

tag1153

vhhsawb

10/17/2007
09:50:21
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After action rep?

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Are we going to receive an analysis of our defeat?

vhhsawb

10/18/2007
05:36:54
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Progress Report

Message:
As we left the FORMER terrorists were very grateful for all the chess wisdom we shared with them but they did sink the Winnebago in the lagoon since it was simply too comfortable to be consistent with their vows of poverty and suffering. They do want us to sent them more information about Bobby Fischer, Alekhine and hypermodern chess theory. They apologized if their presence in the islands caused out campaign to fail in any way and they promised to get free memberships on GameKnot and carry out their campaign to corrupt the godless heathens who were now corrupting chess, in the name of Allah.

Concluding report...
Lt. Col. vhhsawb

graderguy

10/18/2007
07:41:22
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I rowed like a mother-

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whose child was stranded on a desert atoll, to no avail. Tribe members form the siegelian slime
team sabotaged our boat by filling it with ice chests laden with cold beer and preloaded
bongs..... My tribe was understandably distracted, as was I ...... We apologize for our failure,
and in our current states of mind (they left a LOT of beer) we welcome the blessed relief of
Davey Jones' Locker...

arrrrgh, hand me another grog matey!

dieselengine9

10/18/2007
10:14:19
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curses

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I knew I should have waited to see if this thing was successful before I married all these women.

ethansiegel

10/18/2007
17:42:43
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Keeling Island Women

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You know what they look like to me, with their good bags and their cheap shoes? They look like
a pack of rubes. Well scrubbed, hustling rubes with a little taste. Good nutrition's given them
some length of bone, but they're not more than one generation from poor white trash, like you,
Agent Starling? And that accent they've tried so desperately to shed: pure West Virginia. Who
are their fathers, dear? Are they coal miners? Do they stink of the lamp? You know how quickly
the boys found them... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars... while they
could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to the Keeling Islands.

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