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 Removed from my team.John_F recently removed me from the United Kingdom Chess Players & Friends team for losing a number of games due to time-outs. My mother died suddenly and for a while afterward chess was the last thing on my mind and the time-outs happened. I had played for this team for some time and very much enjoyed the team spirit but my request to return to the team was denied by John_F even after I explained the circumstances. His one and only message to me was a lecture on how I should have contacted him to explain the reason for the time-outs. He then added me to his ignore list so I couldn`t even discuss the matter with him. I was wondering what people`s opinions are this matter? Please let me know. Many thanks, Mark. |
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chessnovice 04-Oct-09, 15:57 |
But you do have to be able to see it from the point of view of the team captain, too. Players are responsible for letting their team captains know if they're unavailable. Time-outs constitute a loss of trust for team captains. Additionally, I'm not very fond on the idea of turning a private dispute public. I know that seems like a no-win situation for you, because you want reassurance. Truth is, it sounds like there's mistakes made from both sides, and you'll get different people focusing more on some mistakes than on others. You'll get some supportive feedback, and you'll get some critical feedback. And naturally, you'll want to listen to the supportive feedback. There's nothing to really be gained, except for the possibility of the team captain (or a team member) coming across this post and trying to criticize you in public. No one really wants to see an argument break out. So while I find your situation unfortunate, I don't think this is exactly the best way to approach it. |
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kingdawar 04-Oct-09, 16:20 |
Deleted by kingdawar on 04-Oct-09, 16:23.
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kingdawar 04-Oct-09, 16:22 |
Deleted by kingdawar on 04-Oct-09, 16:23.
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Thank you for your condolances. My motive for posting this thread was to simply inform fellow players that a minority of team captains apply rules and regulations in a moral vacuum. I would have very much welcomed active and open dialogue with my captain but he chose to deprive me of that basic right by placing me on his ignore list. I`m not fond of having my freedom of speech stifled in this manner, hence this thread. Best Regards and God Bless. |
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kingdawar 05-Oct-09, 14:38 |
Deleted by kingdawar on 05-Oct-09, 14:52.
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kingdawar 05-Oct-09, 14:52 |
Deleted by kingdawar on 06-Oct-09, 14:55.
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Your understanding and sympathy is appreciated and if all my post has achieved is to open a debate about the behaviour of team captains to players then I consider that worthwhile. Heinzkat, You have missed the point entirely. Being put on someones ignore list is not the matter in question. I simply wanted peoples opinions on the circumstances that led to me being unceremoniously kicked out of a team I had loyally represented and supported for a long time. "Life is what happens to you while you`re busy making other plans." God bless you both. |
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I assure you that not every team captain would make the same decision given the circumstances; but you must admit that his decision to remove you from the team was valid and understandable. My advice is just to move on. If someone puts you on their ignore list for such a reason, it's probably to let you know that their decision is final and they don't want to discuss it anymore. That's a valid reason too. It may seem unfair to you, but that captain set boundaries. You crossed those boundaries for whatever reason...it doesn't matter. There are consequences in life for crossing other people's set boundaries. You should respect the person for sticking to those boundaries and leave them alone. You would expect the same if someone else did the same thing to you. There is no criminal offense here. We are here to play chess. It is simply a personal boundary issue. |
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Condolences I am curious though. I see you are a paying member and as such you are entitled to postponement time. I was wondering why you just didn't postpone your games. There are plenty of other teams that would be glad to have you as a member. Good Luck |
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Thank you.. I am a paying member and absolutely entitled to postponement time but to be completely honest with you, Mums passing came very quickly and hit me hard and the last thing on my mind was the postponement of my chess games. The only compassionate messages I have recieved on this site have been from those unfortunate enough to have shared the experience of losing a parent. I`m now a member of another team and have won 10 straight games and once more enjoying the game, but I must admit that some of the callous and unfeeling posts that have appeared in this forum have shocked and saddened me. Thank you for your condolances and I hope time has helped to heal your pain. God bless, Mark. |
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