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tennesseehiker 28-Mar-19, 12:17	I Suffer Not in Vain My physiatrist gave me a 6:45 am appointment so he could address my inability to sleep. He agreed to try Teresa's suggestion of gradually increasing the Seroquel to a massive 900 mg,, a much less dosage that puts most people to sleep for 12 or more hours. My nurse told me to arrive when I could get there. I was feeling so good this morning that I did not even notice the time I was connected. I immediately logged onto YouTube.com and found a compilation of well-known praise and worship songs. The ones that were most prominent in my mind I sang in a low key so as not to disturb the other patients, many of whom sleep through their treatment. About an hour after starting treatment, a DEEP depression totally enveloped me. My nurse who was 25 to 30 feet away from me heard my agonizing crying. She quickly came to me when I told her that the depression had started. She offered to disconnect me, but I told her God would see me through as He always does. She told me that if I needed her, she would come immediately. Historically speaking, the first success that Satan has when the depressive states render me very weak is to convince me that my life is so worthless and my sin is so great that God is going to send me to hell when I die. However, this time I continued to listen to the praise songs, and I continued to sing along in between my tears of agony. God sent a squadron of angels carrying swords to encompass me as I fought through the seemingly unbearable depression. Satan was never allowed to come near me. I lost all sense of time in which I tried valiantly to stop crying and praise Almighty God. Eventually, the depression let loose its grip on me. It usually comes in waves. This time I was able to testify during my struggles. When "Waymaker" started playing, I turned up the volume level (I was using headphones). I cranked up the volume at which I had been singing. I wanted everybody in those two rooms to hear me sing a multitude of times, "I will worship You; I will worship You." When the song finished, I started praising God to the top of my lungs. I then found MWS's, "Agust Dei," as played during his "Worship," live performance. I repeated over and over again the verses over and over again, but again at a lower tone. Shortly afterward, my technician started the process of disconnecting me. When my nurse came to complete the disconnect process, I exclaimed in total sincerity, "I am honored and privileges in the last few days of my life for my suffering to finally bring honor and glory to my God. The battle that I had undergone rendered my body very weak. And of course, I just had to back my truck in space as far in the parking lot as I could go. I was sure to let me nurse know that despite my struggles with depression, this time I would see her again on Saturday. I also asked her to hold me accountable to my word. TO GOD BE THE GLORY! GREAT ARE YOU LORD!
iancovici 01-Mar-20, 22:57	Be encouraged in the name of the Lord, sir! Amen.

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