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GK and Pirates do not mix all that well |
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@JohnClark |
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THE BEST EXCUSE FOR NOT FINISHING A GAME!!! www.youtube.com |
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Back to the topic... Boris Spassky: It depends on the position. [from chess.com jokes] |
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@JohnClark |
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OOPS! |
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Not sure if this qualifies as a joke It sure seem funny to me. |
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Erotica The ‘50 shades of Grey’ jokes are out there…. 50 shades of grey..Port Adelaide style.... Even though he only had one tattoo, I yearned for him to fill the lonely hours between Jerry Springer and Days of our Lives. As he approached me with his pasty white arms hanging out of his Nike vest, his smile told me that it was dole day and I knew that my velour track suit would be hanging off the lampshade tonight. As I stood in line at the job centre, thinking of reasons why I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, sweat and Lynx Africa! I turned and there he was, DWAYNE, with his pants half way down his arse, our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Woolies. He had already tied his Staffy to a post in the alley way so we would not be disturbed, there was a tramp watching but it did not bother us, it just added to the mystery. I knew then that this was love and my life would never be the same again. I made a promise to him there and then that I would buy him a plasma with the baby bonus. |
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@aussiespud |
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Wordplay Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. " Don 't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are." --------------------- 2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. --------------------- 3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down..You'll just have to be a little patient." --------------------- 4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of the expression "He who has a Tate's is lost!" ---------------------- 5. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on." ---------------------- 6. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census." ---------------------- 7. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one). ----------------------- 8. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need any enemas." |
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I'll bet the teachers in this club will be using #7 in their classes (or will want to) |
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As I'm sure you'll appreciate - coming from where i do - i had no idea that people would be offended by the "S"- word ...I apologise unreservedly if that's the case Spud |
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zombieslayer1 28-Aug-12, 15:27 |
My husband's favorite joke... *groan* |
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@zombieslayer1: I loved the pun. Have you ever heard of Tom Swifties? Here's a sample: "The doctor removed my left ventricle," said Tom, half-heartedly. Or in honour of Spud: "I don't have a treaty number or belong to any First Nation Band," said Tom unreservedly. |
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That joke is so bad, it's good |
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zombieslayer1 29-Aug-12, 06:15 |
I'm glad someone likes that stupid joke... @kneilca2, I haven't heard of Tom Swifties but I'll have to look him up. I love silly stuff like that! |
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another Tom Swifty |
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au.totaltravel.yahoo.com note the honourable mentions at the end |
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mrmarmalade 29-Aug-12, 15:09 |
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A little Chicano humor from Bakersfield, CA |
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zombieslayer1 01-Sep-12, 15:39 |
Stupid chess joke |
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mrmarmalade 01-Sep-12, 16:38 |
Deleted by mrmarmalade on 03-Feb-14, 21:46.
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